Friday night was a beautiful night. A special event called Soul Support happened at a local coffee shop and God told me to be the host. It was great. Things just flowed together perfectly. God is the perfect event planner. He made sure that there weren’t many stumbling blocks when putting this girl’s night together. I blinked and it was all set.
It’s safe to say that I love writing. I can write all day long. There is a ton of comfort in the idea of being able to edit my work…(teachers make grammatical errors too!) Sunday evening, I was a little shocked when I found out that I had to speak at the event. If you know me at all, you know that I either panic for words or I start talking and forget to shut up. There is no in between. “I am NOT a speaker” I told my roommate. I simply just wanted to plan the event and hide in the crowd.
Throughout the week, I worked on my stuff. I found scripture and went from there. It was pretty easy to make bullet points of major life events but how much am I supposed to elaborate on them? I had zero experience with this. But along with everything else, I asked God to take the reigns.
That’s where I was surprised.
Ya see, I have been wrong this whole time. This whole time I have blamed people for walking out. I have written blogs about the feeling of loneliness and how people just walk out. Girls would write me and explain that they are experiencing loneliness and friendships falling apart. I related to them and used their experiences along with my own and decided to write blogs and inspirational Instagram posts.
I had it all wrong and I didn’t know any of that until I was standing on stage telling my story. God showed up. I asked Him to show up and He dropped the mic.
As I shared my story, I quickly realized that I wasn’t abandoned. I removed myself. I think that we do this subconsciously. Regardless if it’s normal or not, I owe all of my people an apology.
I hid in my cube of a bedroom. I shut down. I removed myself from deep conversations. I put up a front that everything was wonderful when really I just wanted to cry. I pulled myself away from anything that would expose my true feelings of hurt, abandonment, or connection. Friends would call–I would text. And I blamed them for walking away.
In the Bible, we are taught about sheep and how we are like them. We know that sheep truly aren’t the smartest animals. They get lost, they are basically blind, they are stubborn, they tend to follow other sheep without noticing, and they get lost.
When is the last time that you felt lost?
I don’t think that we choose to “get lost.” I believe that it just sort of happens. Like sheep, sometimes we are following Jesus– The Good Shepherd and then quickly become distracted by a butterfly in the field or something cool along the way. And before you know it, boom! You’ve lost The Shepherd. That’s when you think to yourself, “Where am I? Where is everyone else?
That’s where I was.
I was SO lost and confused. I believed ALL of the lies that the enemy was feeding me and I was isolated. The enemy had almost succeeded but then I heard the voice of the Good Shepherd.
Lysa TerKeurst mentions in one of her studies that we often ask God, where are you? When instead we should ask, God where have I wandered off to?
There were so many times when I questioned God’s plans. Why was I heartbroken, alone, and rejected? Why did this heartbreak keeping getting more intense? Why was he moving on when I was still here in this bedroom-crying? Why?
Sheep may not be the smartest animals but they know the sound of their shepherd’s voice. I find that pretty neat. Just like a sheep, I heard God telling me He cared.
There are many ways that we can hear God’s voice. My favorite is The Word. There’s no such thing as coincidence. I love reading scripture and hearing God through verses and devotionals. Obedience, God’s peace, Godly counsel, listening, and worship are some other wonderful ways that we are able to hear from the Lord.
I am not sure if you feel trapped in a bedroom right now or in isolation. Maybe you have wandered astray and you haven’t even realized it yet. The good news is that our Shepherd comes after us. He doesn’t leave us in those lonely bedrooms with broken hearts.He calls us by name and He fixes us in sweet time. We are headed towards our purpose and in the meantime, He is preparing us and cleaning us up so that we can be the people that we are meant to be.
Standing on stage was scary. I was exposed to the truth behind it all. It was ugly and I was SO embarrassed. I was in this deep dark hole all by myself because I put myself there. I almost let the enemy win but instead–my people stood up there with Jesus and threw a ladder down and told me to climb on up. I didn’t have to stay lost.
James 4:8 “Come near to God and He will come near to you.”
We can’t do life alone, people. Also, you can’t push people away that care for you and want to help. Let them in. Have deep conversations that are full of realness and truth. Don’t stay in that hole. It’s time to come on out.