Well, here I am. I made a blog. I finally did what I said I was going to do a few years back. Making a blog always sounded like something fun to add to my list of hobbies but when it actually came time to sit down and get busy–I chose to do other things. It seemed like a lot of work…and it is. When completing a study last week, I had to answer a question about something that I wanted to do–I wrote “make a blog.” The next line said, “Make it happen” so here I am.
I am just going to get really real with you. These last few months have been real hard for a girl that’s fixing to be in her mid-twenties. I have always imagined that I would be married by now with children and well, my imagination was a little off. I am as single as a pringle with dog named Tucker that takes the place of my child–because let’s be real..he is one.
I am very fortunate to say that I grew up with a genuine, loving, and supportive family. I can’t remember a time when my parents weren’t honest with me about the mistakes that I was making. I used to say, “I am my own person..I need to learn from my own mistakes.” My mom would always cry and tell me that the thought of that KILLED her, because she deals with the pain from her mistakes everyday and she would never wish that on anyone–let alone her mini me. I never understood it until now. We all experience pain. We all travel through the valleys and make it to the mountains only to end up in the valleys again. It’s hard. Life has a comical way of pulling out the rug from under you when you finally feel like you have found some stable ground. At least that’s how it felt for me. My mistakes and my past haunted me like bad haircuts–yes, I still avoid pictures on my Time Hop. No matter where I looked–I could NOT find the answer.
Grabbing on to Jesus was and is the answer. I tried everything but that and I got no where. I dealt with a series of heartbreaks, broken friendships, a new career that just would NOT get better, and a constant empty space in my heart that could not be filled.I tried to fill that empty space with guys that would never even think about pursuing me the way that any woman should be pursued.I settled. I continued to allow myself to date and get hurt over and over again like a merry go round that never stopped.
LIFE. GOT. REAL.
I can remember the exact day that it felt like I was in the deepest valley–probably because it was two days ago. LOL. I felt so angry at God. I felt discontent, grief, anger, sadness, and was completely full of doubt. With the help of a sweet mama and good friends I made it out somewhat alive. I apologized to God countless times for being a brat and it’s crazy to know that He didn’t think twice about forgiving me.
Pretty amazing huh?
Grace is a crazy awesome thing. I don’t deserve it, not even a tiny bit but He gives it to me because I belong to Him and He reminds me that I’m worth it. I am thankful for the moments when life gets real. Yeah, it hurts, and if you are anything like me–you cry a lot. But in those moments when we feel the most vulnerable–we feel our need for God. Sometimes pride likes to pay a visit and when life gets real– I am reminded that I need God and I always will. Grace and strength are given to us day by day for that very reason. If God gave us enough grace and strength to last us for the rest of our lifetimes–what would His purpose be?
Join me in cultivating our lives in grace. This is a journey that we can’t do alone, sista.