tis the season

I don’t know about you, but I always get a little bit excited about a new season. I love when spring time finally hits. There is nothing like sandals, warm sunshine and sunglasses. And we all love when things began to cool off with crisp fall air, the sweet aroma of pumpkin candles and a Pumpkin Spice lattes. If you are from the south, you usually go overboard and get a pumpkin spice anything–no judgement, I promise.

In our lives, we go through seasons as well. Some of our seasons last longer than others. Sometimes we get so bored and we wonder why things haven’t gotten exciting  yet. More than likely, we have said a prayer or four and things are just as sucky as they were before. These seasons lead to discouragement and we often want to throw in the reigns and give up OR you could be impatient like me and tell God, “hey-never mind, I’ve got this. You’re taking way too long.”

Girls, if you have ever said or thought this disgusting thought– I feel ya.

If only God could just give me what I want. I would be SO happy. –but would we really?

Let’s go back in time for a minute.

Years ago, months ago, some odd days ago I’ll admit that I  have always been on the search for something. This something was a man that would blow my expectations out of the water, love me, pursue me and marry me. I wanted those things SO BAD. I wanted babies. Three to be exact–names picked out and everything. When I was 6 years old, I always wanted to play house and I always wanted to be the mom. It was a desire that I was born with and there is nothing wrong with that. (If you feel that way and you scare a guy off then more than likely HE AIN’T THE ONE. Men (good men) should desire a woman that possesses those qualities or a lady that longs for that because at this point in time–it’s beautiful. (At least that’s what I tell myself.)

So I dated and I loved. I think sometimes I forced myself to like some because well, I am not getting any younger–right? And well, there are only so many guys in this town. Deep down I knew that it wasn’t right–something wasn’t right.

I can remember a time when I met this guy through a friend and well, to me–it seemed like a fairytale. After we met, we wasted no time. We spent all of our free time together, joined each others families, and said the “I love yous.” Girls, I seriously swore that he was the one. We talked about marriage and making moves so we could be closer to each other.

It’s sad to say, but God wasn’t first in our relationship. If He would have been, maybe things would have been different-who’s to say? But after a year and some months–things fell apart. I was devastated. I lost the future that I thought I had. I lost the boy that I loved with my whole heart. He was my best friend and what felt like my everything.

I tried to control my life and find a replacement until it was time for him to step back into the picture. Some of these guys were worse than others. Now, I am not saying that these are bad guys but they were bad for me.

I had a God-size hole in my heart that was impossible to fill.

I chased after guys that rejected me. I almost found comfort in that. Maybe I was scared to feel something that real again. I wanted to fix them even though I knew it was an insane thought and would never happen. I needed to fix myself and I couldn’t even do that. Everyone in my life would agree.

All of these events led to the season of singleness that I am currently facing. A lot of you have been asking me how do I do it and how do I find comfort? It’s simple. You just gotta surrender it. I know that I cannot control my life– let alone my dating life. If I were, I would end up with another guy that would probably reject me and make me cry. It’s a girl thing.

Ya see, I am very thankful for all of the relationships that failed. Yes, I am single and I have a dog instead of a little one BUT I probably would have been missing out on the opportunity or thought of getting to know God. All because of that broken heart that was never mended–that God-size hole quickly began to fill up with His love and His grace and His mercy.

This season has helped me heal and let go. I never would be able to get over all of the heartache and scars without His help and His healing.

I had to let go. Let go of the things that were holding me back and dragging me down. Because of that, I am allowed to focus on me. It’s becoming clear what He is doing in my life and what He is capable of doing. I am mind blown. I never in a million years would have thought this would be me. I mean, I was the girl that spent my weekends at bars and now I am reaching out to help other ladies that experience pain–YIKES. This is neat.

So whether or not you have had 5o boyfriends or none. He’s got such an awesome purpose for your life. Quit staring at the clock and live. Live your life to glorify the Lord. He will BLOW your flippin mind with your future–if you let Him. So whether or not we are in the same season, a season is a season and  I want to leave you with this verse. My best friend sent it to me last night and asked for it to be our verse for 2017.

Since we are basically friends here, I want to challenge you as well.

Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”

Remember that Simeon waited nearly a bundle of years on the Lord’s promise. But he waited and he waited patiently. He wasn’t a brat like me. He didn’t get frustrated and give up on the Lord. He served the Lord, he loved His neighbors and was obedient. Once he held baby Jesus in His arms he told the Lord that he could now depart in peace for His eyes have now seen His salvation. HOW SWEET.

Remember that God ALWAYS fulfills His promises. The Holy Spirit that lived with Simeon lives with me and lives with YOU! That’s kind of neat–isn’t it?

So, today..

A need for a hubby isn’t a desire like it used to be. I enjoy my job, women’s ministry and just being a friend. All that other stuff can wait! 🙂 I hope my story will encourage you in your season of singleness or season of waiting as well!

Merry Christmas! Happy birthday Jesus!

xoxo

Allie

 

 

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